growth is the only way we survive.
i came across this picture on facebook one day & it resonated with me enough to write about it. too often in our relationships, we spend a decent amount of time picking apart the other person’s shortcomings instead of introspecting on our own flaws. this leads to negativity in the relationship & subsequently, attempted or complete destruction of what could have been beautiful.
this picture depicts a man & a woman, most likely in a romantic relationship. disregarding that, i believe the message is the same for every human relationship. romantic, platonic, male, female, friends, family, strangers. i am going to focus, however, on a previous romantic relationship i had. it ultimately proved more destructive than i thought it was when i was in it. things are much easier to see coming & make sense of after they happen. (isn’t that always the case?)
jealousy, resentment, lack of trust, & secrets. that, ladies & gentlemen, is a recipe for fucking disaster. this is what the foundation of my last relationship was made of. we had broken up a few times before the final & forever last time. we always made our way back to each other, like two creatures blindly walking around in the dark. every time we bumped back into each other, we called it fate. however, after each heartbreak, my resentment towards his departures grew stronger. he was always the one to leave. i was always the one left. i loved him more than i could ever write, say, or believe. he broke my trust in him & in us so many times. & yet, i always thought “this time will be different” (spoiler alert for those of you in this situation – it never is). at this point, you may think i’m dumb, or he’s dumb, or this is dumb.
but it isn’t dumb, it’s first love.
first love is sloppy. it’s ridiculous. it convinces you to get back with someone who only hurts you. it convinces you to have faith in someone who isn’t as faithful as you. first love is the most powerful force in the world. it is what killed romeo & juliet. it is what haunts people for the rest of their love lives, if done right. it is what causes some people to end their lives, or even start a new one.
my first love & i…we destroyed each other in our own miserable ways. he destroyed me in ways i still cannot yet verbalize. i took what was left over & further destroyed myself under the false belief that i was not worthy of love. the moral of all this sad shit is to realize, in any relationship, the point at which you feel stagnant. love should make you grow; it should make you a better, kinder, more loving person in general. the goal, i believe, is to find someone who grows alongside you. find someone who helps you grow, & who you can nourish. if you see someone wilting, don’t be scared to give them a little water. you have so much to gain by watering someone else’s flowers from time to time, & nothing to gain by cutting their blossoms down so you can stare at how pretty they are in a stupid vase. if you love & care for someone, don’t cut them down – water his or her roots. if someone is blocking the sun from you & you are unable to become more, be strong & move. leave. find your light.
if it is true love, then grow together, not apart. that is part of what happened to me. we were both growing growing growing so much, that we didn’t exactly realize just how far apart we had become. here i thought we were finally at the point where we were growing together, stronger, better, forever. it still baffles me how wrong i was. he was growing in a different direction, with someone else, all while promising he was only watering me. no wonder i always felt so dry… a bucket can only hold so much.
regardless, look at the beauty of this message. we as humans are obsessed with destroying things. destruction. war. fighting.
if only we did all of those things for the right causes.
a healthy relationship should be one of continuous growth. help each other grow, instead of destroying each other. it seems so simple.
my questions for you: have you ever been in a destructive relationship?
were you the destroyer or the destructee? (totally just made a new word)
what was the outcome?
if you feel you are in one now, what will you do?
feel free to leave a comment below & share your stories.
lastly, remember – the grass isn’t greener on the other side; it’s green where you water it.
much love, xx.
